По-силно от алчност: любов
Лос Анжелис, Калифорния
1, 2 & 3 септември, 2006

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This, my first workshop was an amazing experience. I returned home feeling lighter, more joyful, more grounded, more open, more loving, and stronger. I actually feel like a different person now. But I can't put my finger on when or how this change occurred.

I loved the Magical Passes that we learned during the workshop. Though I have enjoyed learning the passes from the DVD and practicing with a friend, there was something indescribable about the particular passes we learned during this workshop; it was as though my body wanted and needed them. They felt good. In particular, the pole form, "Tapping Your Essence" felt powerful to me. While I am respectful of other people's boundaries, I am often not as good with keeping my own, so I was very happy to learn this form.

My practice of the Passes has been off and on, but coming to this workshop helped to solidify it for me. While I physically felt the power of the Passes, I think I was approaching them more on an intellectual level before; I knew they were good for me, so I should do them. Since the workshop, it is more in my body now. When I get up in the morning, it's simply time to do the Passes. There is no trying to convince myself that I need to make time to do them. I just do them. As the instructors mentioned in the workshop, I am finding that it feels good to "find my feet" and be grounded before starting my day.

During the witnessing, I found that I was having trouble coming up with particular "scenes." I ended up talking about things that I knew were issues, but they did not organically appear to me while we were mapping our bodies. And even though a lot of emotion came up for me and I cried during the witnessing, I felt that I actually needed more time to process what was going on. While I could intellectually have a "new view" I was not certain that I actually believed it in my heart. This pattern would repeat itself throughout the entire workshop, and I was wondering why I was having so much trouble. Interestingly enough, the partner I chose was also have trouble finding specific scenes, so I think there was something necessary in our being partners and working through the witnessing together.

As for my list of expectations for my mate, this actually didn't change for me. I came into the workshop expecting that I would bring the same qualities to a relationship that I expected of my mate, things such as integrity, honesty, trust, affection, and kindness. I knew I wanted to be a complete person going into a relationship and that I wanted my mate to be a complete person as well. What I never really thought about was where these expectations were coming from and why they were so important. It was painful to think about how these things had been missing in my life when I was a child. How I wanted my parents to be these things and in so doing, give them to me. Though I knew I possessed the qualities on my list, when I see my list now, I see that having these qualities within me has played an important role in helping me to grow as a person and heal some of the wounds from the past. And though I don't need anyone to give me these things anymore, I now understand my expectation that my mate have these qualities is because these are qualities I respect, and I don't think I could love someone I didn't respect.

One of the most interesting moments for me was when the women joined the men. I did not want to join the men. I felt a great fear that I could not explain. I knew that there was nothing to be afraid of-they were just men. I had never been physically abused by a man, yet I was deeply afraid. When Aerin (Alexander) told the women "Be ready to receive first," it seemed as though all the other women were laughing and smiling, but I felt a tightness in my chest and I wanted to cry. I think this unusual reaction was because I am not used to receiving, especially from men. The idea is almost foreign to me, and though it is something I would actually like, it is also frightening, because I don't think I know how to receive and be comfortable with it. For me, this experience has brought up issues of self worth that I need to look at and work through.

When the women walked into the room and sat down looking out at the men, I had a difficult time looking at the men. I still felt like crying. I did not want to be there. It seemed to last an eternity. Then they did the Winged Being Pass. I forget which form they did first, the male or female, but it does not really matter. Something about seeing them all as a group doing the form made me feel so much compassion for them. I felt like I was seeing men for the first time, as they truly are. They are people just like we women are. They strive as we do. They are no different. They are beautiful. This moment was a surprising gift for me.

Another gift awaited for me on my plane ride home. I rushed off to the airport towards the end of the question and answer session and was still very frazzled as I boarded the plane. I tried to sleep, but found that I couldn't as my mind was racing. I'm not sure exactly where this revelation came from, but I suddenly saw that my parents loved me.

The core belief that my parents didn't love me has been my most painful wound, ever since I was a little child. Every action I observed from them was proof of this belief. And I resented them for it. With a child's unbending determination, I shut them out as they had shut me out. I would not let them hurt me. I had grown up with this belief, never wavering, until I was in college and I felt that I would die if I held onto my anger, so I let it go. Or so I believed. Intellectually, I understood my parents cared for me. Because parents are supposed to love their children. But I could not even say to myself in my mind that they "loved" me. So years went by as I struggled with what I intellectually understood but the hurt child would never completely believe. But there was something about this workshop that took the veil away from my eyes. For the first time in my life, I saw my parent's love without the cloud of the past. This was not something I was consciously working on during the workshop, so it came as a complete surprise. Words cannot express how grateful I am to finally see my parent's love. I feel like a weight has been lifted from me and that I am finally free.

Thank you to all for a fantastic workshop!

Thank you very much for a wonderful workshop! Fabulous opportunity to merge my intent with all other practitioners! A very remarkable event that was a splendid chance to examine yet another layer of our being.

At first, the number of new magical passes appeared to be staggering. My guess is that there must be hundreds if not thousands of them. However, as the practice progressed they were more manageable. In the end the long forms were not as complex. Nonetheless it is a challenge to remember and execute them correctly.

On the physical/energetic level, I had the same sensation that comes with intense practice of magical passes: speed and lightness in my feet and legs that makes one want to run, kick and jump for the sheer joy of movement. Fluid hips, mapping the body and boost from energetic circles stirred some dormant energy that we could bring to the front and examine. At one point of the workshop Miles Reid asked who had an issue with their knees or feet. Tricky question. There are several passes for preparing intent that restore flexibility to the limbs. As long as I practice these daily, my feet and knees are in excellent form. However, if for whatever reason I stop executing them (it takes only few minutes) I am beginning to sense stiffness and discomfort. That is great motivation for me to keep up the practice.

…It was very enriching to hear many experiences from different people. And although they were different all had some elements that were alike. This common thread allowed me to relate and see myself. It might be that there is no end to truth and reality. What limits us, are our social patterns of behavior and expectations that we adopted during our lives. We see what we want to see. As the seminar progressed there was more emphasis on girlfriends and wives. I am single and I felt that this wasn't applying to me. I even felt that the workshop is taking a turn that is in opposition to what I knew about warrior's way. But my problem was linguistic only. I was confusing romantic relationship with sexual relationship. And although I am single, I know, I have romance with my mother and my two nieces. Interestingly all these relationships are not of my choice. They were imposed by spirit and I am grateful for that. And this brings me to my new view and my conclusions.

When we were joined by the women the place was packed. They brought not only the numbers but variety in many aspects, the missing energy, the essence of life. Thus, although men might be ruling the world for the moment, and leading it into self-destruction, we must know that without women we don't exist. How strange that men are in charge, we seem to be reduced form of female. Gender appears to be clearly defined in animal kingdom. However, if we look at the plants this line becomes blurred. And perhaps this is only the position of the assemblage point?

Thank you so much for such an amazing experience. I had never performed the magical passes with anyone else before, and the effect of practicing in a group is astounding.

The issue of romantic relationships in the context of an impeccable life continues to be one of contention. Sorcerer or not, I can't deny the many positive effects of celibacy and the freedom I enjoy when there is no woman in my life. Paradoxically, I still have feelings, and they are stirred from time to time. The reason I don't act on these situations are for the non-ordinary points stated above and the ordinary one that all my relationships end up the same way…

Reconstructing the forms on my own has been a delight. I find myself particularly partial to the Tapping Your Essence form.

To watch the women perform the Winged Being form at the end was astonishing for me. I am at a loss to describe it adequately. I noticed for the first time that I have always seen women as an extension of my male energy, and while they were performing their form I perceived them as of an energy that is entirely different from ours.

I feel as though I touched on the abstract affection that seemed to be the point of the workshop. I have no idea how to bring that into my daily life, but I am still learning.

It was interesting to hear the stories of other people. The atmosphere of safety enabled people to share sometimes painful and very intimate aspects of their lives which normally are kept secret. I felt that some of my personal pains and fears are indeed trivial compared to some of the experiences of others and realize that our concept of our own lives is mostly an illusion of our own making.

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