Risposte dal seminario di Tensegrità in Italia, a luglio del 2010:

La stanza verde: aprire i nostri cuori

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Going on the workshop for me is releasing the shields, going into the unknown – into depth between Success and Failure, depth over the surface of the sea, depth into me.

Here are some moments from the workshop which I especially remember:

The Magical Passes of Releasing the Shields: we practiced them very often, and at one time with our eyes closed. I felt, my body had no bounds or limits in this moment, just a sort of attentive consciousness. Almost threatening and a complete joy!

During the stalker-exercise of Success, I was looking outside at the trees and felt my body extremely well, a softer gaze, more connected to what my eyes saw, like being part of a vibrating substance. I thought, how liberating it was to acknowledge the contribution of others to my Success, and I lost this feeling of separation from my surroundings…

On Saturday evening, all of us went in silence to the Beach, to release our shields. First, we were ca. 250 practitioners, crossing the street in no time, standing there at the beach, surrounded by the visitants of the beach at that moment, that time, and everything seemed to be integrated in this very moment. In the hall, I had thought that “releasing the shields” is a metaphor, but when I released my shields from parts of my body, where I felt tension, I actually felt first lighter and then a wave of strength and energy in my body, and what my eyes saw then, was beautiful…

Saturday evening, we practiced many repetitions of the Butterfly of Many Hues magical passes, which was presented in such a calm, deep way. Then, we lay down on our bellies, entering the Dream of the Butterflies on their way from Canada to México, which the beautiful and perfectly matching sounds, the smell of an essence, listening to the story, which Alice Rulde an Margaret Penn read in a calm and deep voice and transporting so much beauty, made me cry.

Reni Murez's example that we adapt a judgment, heard in our childhood “you are fat”, and then react our life long to this sentence, engaging all our energy to prove that we are slender, was as simple as shocking to me. We identified our judgments and released them. So when we were sitting in a circle with 6 or 7 practitioners and sensed each other, energetically, then writing down our impression on a sheet of paper about this person we sensed, gave us this other view, without judgments.

In this circle, I was touched by the perceptions others made of me. My energy body’s view of my own energy body was giving me new information about myself I had always known, but not consciously. It was like coming home and now, I can consciously act from what I have seen as parts of my essence…

The story of Brian LeBeaux was presented with his sense of humor, which gives you a distance to otherwise tragic circumstances and makes you fall on the floor with laughter, only to be taken to an abstract moment of the active side of infinity, born of sublime feelings and a desire to understand.

“Flying” through the room and hearing other practitioners telling me my “failure-sentence”, made me lose my normal mind. I was surprised by my own creative behavior and by the behavior of my cohorts and found ways out of that situation of failure, which I had not considered as being possible.

And the song “Nessuno” – light and vibrating sounds! Wonderful musicians which were individuals but seemed to be one.

This time, we practiced a lot of Magical Passes and had less lectures, and I am still in discovering what actually happened during these 3 days of keen awareness surrounded by beautiful beings… Thank you for passing on to us what you have been passed on!

The ""Releasing the Shields"" Magical Passes Form with recapitulation exercises gave me a new view on my prior understanding of victory and defeat. It became clear to me that success is not necessary that which most people believe it to be. It is a matter of doing one's best with a good feeling. What this brings, is in the end not so important, because it is not personal. The important thing is, be it victory or defeat, to keep one's calm and detachment, and not to overestimate one's ego in neither direction. Success means also to evolve and  means  thankfulness for  ""good"" and ""bad"" experiences - one can learn from both of them…The Workshop gave me a sense of boundless joy, without lending to much importance to either over- or under-valuing oneself.

I want to thank all participants and people involved, especially the seers which allowed us access to this invaluable knowledge in the first place and are still allowing and sharing it. What remains now, is for my and our gratitude to bring forth actions, which express it and go beyond it, in order not to remain at the level of empty words.

This workshop was again a surprising and powerful encounter with silence and infinity. It was amazing how a forty-year-old story has been conditioning my relations with women all this time. And how easy the heaviness attached to it was removed and I felt relieved and light.

I don't know how many of these shields I have been carrying. Maybe two or three, hundreds I mean. During the workshop, I formed them with my body, many with my hands, one at a time, and then let them go. In this way they began to be even funny. Use them and throw them away. Discover and observe, then forget.

Before the beach, the possibility of limitless perception intrigued me. There at the beach, I understood that it is true. An endless line of sensing beings were there just perceiving, all very serious because we were perceiving, or maybe because we stood under an extraordinary blue yellow sky, touched by the sweetest breeze that might be, while a calm and wise sea cleared up the sand from all of our shields without asking. I felt light and totally absorbed. We surely left there tons of shields. At least ten kilos from my part.

During the workshop, I had been recapitulating my first disappointment with a girl when I was ten years old. I can say I have been carrying the feeling of not being ‘attractive to females’ for so many years, and never got totally rid of it. But on this Sunday morning in Riccione a marvelous lady wished me a good morning and gave me a kiss. Forty six years later, I had to admit that I have been receiving some kisses in the meantime. Many, in fact. My old story was not all of the truth. It was for that event long ago at school, and some others, but the wonderful kissing ladies have also been true.

Many layers had been discovered at this workshop. I had so much exciting experience and I’m pleased to share with you some of those.

I dealt with ‘failure’ for many times in my life, it’s something belongs to me, I thought. From the beginning of my life I’m living with my timidity, and that caused experiencing many failures: how can I change my pattern? The practitioner’s circle gave me many inspirations, and now I feel confident, I can transmute my timidity into gentleness, calmness and kindness. The ‘Final Flight’ was a lab for me, I experienced how to deal with my failure and how to enjoy my success in real time, and how to love and be grateful to the other magical and winged beings in the room.

For many reasons I was living during the workshop one of the ‘successful’ events of my life, and sharing the success was one of the keys highlighted by instructors at the workshop. Am I sharing my success? I was thinking while that project is running by itself, everything was synchronized, and my colleagues were doing their tasks very well, with skilled experience. So in an instant I realized: ‘Yes I want to share my success, as it’s not mine, the success belongs to those who participate in the project; it’s not only my success, it is the success of everybody, and I’m really grateful to everybody’. For the first time of my life I feel free to accept the success, sharing it with others.

I also realized that I have the pattern of my father about what is successful and what is unsuccessful, and of course, from my father’s point of view, the default comes from my mother’s family side: very often I think the default into my own family comes from my wife… Can I move out from this pattern? Yes, I love my wife, and I cannot follow the sadness and the rage of my father; I can follow the most beautiful skills of him, and he was so great into his life, but not this; I can be free from this belief; I’m free, and Releasing the Shields magical passes opened this perception of my past family and my own new family successes.

I would like to thank the Adriatic Sea for the help, the support and the cleaning it did for us all.

And the poem read Saturday evening, Abre la Puerta, really opened a huge window into my heart, so deep, so true those words, and so intense the voices on the stage. God is everywhere, it is inside of us too …

…I am so thankful for that what I learned in this workshop about 

my Heart and the Space we share with others. How much we hurt ourselves when we cannot see our own Beauty; we lose ourselves in the idea that we must be for others in order to be loved…

…I found personally the tracking of our Successes and Failures to be such a shortcut to the energy body. Both of us in our witnessing team were able to move at ease and find the ‘triggering phrase’ in our recent and past scene. And while performing our ‘Final Flight’ together as butterflies without shields, (with other beings saying to us our ‘triggering sentence’ found from the recapitulation of our success and failures), I had that bodily feeling as going through thin veils with each encounter…

And while walking that evening down to the  beach it was empty space between the sea and the road…Beach was empty, sand and sea. We, standing by the water, and waves drawing in rainbow colors over the sand in front of our feet. Somewhere there, where the horizon is suppose to be, white florescent fog . Than suddenly  everything becomes clear, clearer than ever , somehow sharp and colorful, but perfectly on focus. Releasing the Shields and pain which I used to have for two years disappears with a sudden movement of the body. Walking back with widening attention, crossing the road, back to the hall still not able to perceive in my ordinary way…

I also found that I have to stay silent while my energy body talks. It calls me by name and speaks fast and bubbly; my hand is not so skillful to write all of what it says down…It does not need time to think; it is fast and then silent and relaxed.

For me, the walk to the sea was a magical happening during this Workshop, when we moved like a snake, like one being, to the beach.  Remaining in silence with the aid of the magical movements, and setting foot on the sand I felt my shields instantly, one in particular, interestingly it was above my sacrum, which is a problematic spot to me since some time now. And I instantly new, that by turning off the protective mode which I place on that area, it would feel more free. And that's the way it is to this day.

When we reached the sea I walked with my witness to a small island amidst the smooth water and we lay down our shields. One meter away there was a pipeline coming from the sea, which I hadn't really noticed, unless a connection element gave up and the pipeline withdrew like a snake into the sea. Two men arrived to fix the problem. I stepped one step back, to give them space.  They first had to shut off a pump on a boat from sea, in order to re-tighten the connection with the aid of an instrument a practitioner lent them. 
I thought: Yes! That's the way it works, first the old flow must be interrupted, only then can the new connection be established! This moment had a symbolic meaning to me. 
I also asked myself if we did bring so much energy to that spot, that the pipeline had to set off!

I had let go of my old shields and felt relieved and freed. I put on my energy body suit and left this place in gratitude, humbleness with my witness and the others, back to the   venue. 

When we did the Dreaming voyage as butterflies I felt the other butterflies around me and in particular, one. The feeling of affection and flowing lightness was indescribable. It is with me to this day.

Sharing the views of our energy bodies with others brought a lot of joy and movement into my assemblage point. And for that matter to all the others as well; all seemed to be joyfully excited.

The song Nessuno  by the Infinity Players touched me deeply. In the depth of this feeling of affection and boundless freedom every defeat becomes a victory, and every victory a defeat.

Yes! This workshop was a monumental event!

I had done the Green Room workshop before in Los Angeles, and then it had a profound effect. In Los Angeles I found that looking at myself and my family lineage from the perspective of winner/loser is very confronting but at the same time released a lot of energy; it gave me a blow that left me in a buzz for days. Especially examining and losing my definition of success and failure was a relief.

In Riccione I went a step further; the workshop somehow forced me to look at the period in my life during which I acquired the ideas of what it means to be a winner/looser. It was a period between age 11-16. In the beginning of those years I was a very energetic kid, enjoying life with many friends. But my parents, who were very religious, felt it was necessary to keep me on a short leash, not allowing me many social activities in which my friends/peers were partaking. Slowly this led to the fact that I became on outsider to these groups of friends and thus a 'looser'. But I was intensely trying to keep up appearances that I was still part of the group of my friends. It created a kind of a split personality. Wanting to be the cool outgoing person for the outside world of my friends, but being another within the world of my family. The tension between those two conflicting worlds/personalities is still unbearable for me. Some of the mechanisms in keeping up those 2 worlds are still active in me; being evasive, a bit shadowy, unnecessarily insecure etc.  I will probably need a couple of months to look and breathe through all the stories involved.

I was grateful for the abundant sunlight and the sea in Riccione which appeared to make it impossible for these memories to become heavy. The delightful music, poetry helped further create a mood of beauty in which I could lightly look at these defining moments in my life.

I loved the Dreaming Session with the butterfly migration from Canada to Mexico. During the session the story unfolded in time like a movie before my internal eyes. At times being so fully emerged in the dream of being a butterfly that when coming back to the hall, even being inside a human, two-legged body seemed to be a dream. The whole idea of that migrating butterfly swarm moved me; that the swarm is migrating from Canada back to some place that they themselves will never reach, but that along the way they will die and there children will reach the destination set by something beyond their individuality.

What an amazing experience!!!

I am enjoying the power and the elegance of the Releasing the Shields in combination with the silence and joy of the Butterfly of Many Hues magical passes…

In the Dreaming Session listening to this celestial voice I transformed to a butterfly... I could listen to my breath as I was sleeping and I was feeling the saliva running from my lips, although I was 100% aware of my shining winds with such a wonderful colors, and my powerful six legs and my big peripheral multi-eyes, and my long, fluid and sensitive antennas, and the sounds of the forest and the giggling of the children, and all these amazing smells around... As we were flying with our beloved sisters and brothers butterflies, I was feeling ineffable joy and awe for this beautiful and mysterious new world that we were exploring together. I was feeling so much love for these other butterflies... and I was feeling that my position in the world is exactly there, with them, and our mission is to migrate south and to face together all the wonders of this magical world...!The experience was so real... much more real than anything 'real'. I become a perception of a butterfly! This was the most magical experience of my life; this is the place I want the most to return. I still have this feeling of endless joy inside me. My heart was open and love and affection filled me. And when we had to return... I so much wanted to stay there in the other world of butterflies where the air was liquid, thick and warm and saturated from drops of happiness and colors... and when I open my eyes I saw the other beings around smiling...We had travelled to the same dream and we had felt the same openness... thank you so much! I wish all beings to feel this butterfly-ish dreaming joy!...

This workshop was marvelous! It changed so much of my life by simply showing me how to connect more deeply with my energy body!

The Dreaming session on Saturday night was most impressive. After having done the Butterfly-form I felt slightly shifted already. On the beach I let go of all of my shields, starting with my moods, my good attributes and my bad ones, my social roles giving it all to the sand below my feet. At last I let go of my name. What a great emptiness within me! How light I felt! We then dreamt the Butterfly and I could feel the wings on my back and could tell exactly where my butterfly-legs were. I could smell and feel like a butterfly. I couldn’t really see though. Those special eyes they have confused my brain as if I couldn’t cope with the information. But I caught glimpses of the world and I think I felt it more than I saw it. Surprisingly, I never really liked the Butterfly forms before but now I love it. I can feel the connection to my energy body right away whenever I practice it. The same thing happens when I reread the poem Abre la Puerta. I can feel there is a door to infinity and I can go right through it when I let go of the world as I perceive it…
           
Another big change is still happening within me these days. First, after the workshop I felt joyous but was also very vulnerable – it was more than easy to push my buttons with sentences I had not witnessed during the workshop and every time someone did I felt like crying and couldn’t stop. But then I started asking my energy body: what do you think about this? And he always answered: for me it is not important. It’s just your and the other person’s history you are all about to repeat. And my bad mood vanished.

By the weeks passing by I feel that something within me wants to get back to my old self, being in a bad mood, not liking my job, etc. I take it as a challenge now. I remember to ask and to feel my energy body. I believe when I keep the discipline to do that, I can get out of the gargoyle river of my behaviors and reactions in the every day world. Thank you so much!

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